Family Culture

What is the culture in your home? Have you ever thought about it? Every place where the same people interact regularly has its own unique culture. Some workplaces have a culture of competition and rivalry that keeps everyone on edge. Some have a culture of fear of the boss that keeps everyone on the lookout. Some have a culture of neglect and carelessness where everyone is simply there to get a paycheck and get by doing as little as possible because that is acceptable. A very few have a culture of teamwork and camaraderie.

            Churches have a unique culture. Some are warm and friendly. Some are formal and stiff. Some are very casual and free spirited, while others are very much driven by a code of regulations and traditions. Whether it is the culture of a workplace, church, or volunteer organization, it is primarily set by those in leadership and flows throughout the organization. The interesting thing is that people coming into the organization will naturally feel the presence of this unseen force and over time will acclimate to it…or be forced out. Most of us have experienced this in one way or another.

            Families have a unique culture also. The culture of families varies widely and is also set by the parents and in some cases the grandparents, if they have a place of regular influence in the family. Some families are characterized by doting over their children for far too long, some are known for neglect. Some family cultures are filled with fear, anger, yelling, and even profane name-calling. Some families have a culture of put downs, criticism, and sarcasm. Some have a culture of chaos with no order and no discipline…just a lot of yelling and empty threats. Some have a culture of violence. I recently met a family who brag that they are a family of fighters. They even brag about the parents being jailed for domestic violence. I guess the list of possible culture qualities in our families could go on and on, but I think you get the point. I hope this has caused you to think of families you know, or maybe the one you grew up in, and identify some aspect of the culture in that family. This is a stepping stone to the big question, “What is the culture in my family?”

            If the culture is set by the leaders (parents), then the culture can be deliberately set or changed. Every family has a culture. Most of the time, it is the default of the mix of qualities that flow out of the parents based on their circumstances and moods. In other words, most couples do not take time to determine the qualities that will define their relationship and their home. We just muddle through life reacting to our circumstances and moods like a ball in a pinball machine. Over time, whatever happens the most becomes the defining quality, or culture, in our home. It is the thing that our children remember most about growing up with us…good or bad.

I want to encourage you to join me in choosing to control our reactions in order to set a healthy culture in our families. As Christians, we should be pursuing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives: love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, self control, and faithfulness. Along with that, we should add faith and trust in God, generosity, encouraging words, Godliness, moral excellence, truthfulness, respect, dignity, predictability, calmness, and a good dose of fun (Galatians 5 and 2Peter 1). The pursuit of these qualities will comfort and nurture our children, strengthen our marriages, and be a light to the world around us. Not happy with the culture in your home? You can change it with God’s help!

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."

I saw this quote on the back of a cab recently and it made me start thinking. Why would a cab company put this quote on their cabs? Then it hit me. Can you imagine the treatment cab drivers get from most clients? I suppose they all think that they are the most important people in the city and that their agenda is the most important thing that driver will encounter that day. I am sure many of them treat the driver as their personal servant for the duration of their drive. I guess the slogan is an attempt to remind them that being nice is truly important to creating a positive experience.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are expected by God to exemplify in growing measure certain characteristics of His. This family resemblance is in stark contrast to what people are accustomed to seeing. Some of these qualities include: love, peace, joy, goodness, gentleness, kindness, patience, faithfulness, self - control, generosity, mercy, forgiveness, and humility. These are some of the core values of our new spiritual family (God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit). In fact, these qualities flow like a river into the souls of believers and out to the world as a beacon light …if we so choose. (Philippians 2 and Galatians 5, Ephesians 5, 2 Peter 2, and 1John4)

We, and our children, are bombarded constantly with a culture that glorifies pride, which is at its root simply an exaggerated sense of personal importance. If we buy into this cultural pursuit, it will surely undermine our fellowship with God and undercut every good thing in our lives. It is so important that we train our children through role modeling and through explanation to think of ourselves truthfully(Romans 12:3) and realize that we are no more important than anyone else. In fact, we will most resemble Christ if we take on the qualities of humility, love, forgiveness, service, and patience. We are surrounded by people who are clamoring to exalt themselves over others by any means possible whether it be by physical fighting or by undercutting them with gossip and betrayal campaigns operated behind the backs of others. The level of disrespect that some exhibit is truly shocking. It is in a time like this that we need to explain to our children that being Christlike is far better than being first. Helping others is far better than demanding that others serve our needs. Taking time to lift up the downtrodden is to be preferred over gaining popularity by joining in the bullying. Being kind and gracious is better than being dangerous. Merciful forgiveness is better than revenge. Being a generous giver is better than being a crafty taker. Treating others with respect and dignity, especially siblings, is always better than making others feel bad. Kind words of encouragement outweigh cutting words of insult.  Respectful communication is better than angry, profane screaming. Good manners are always appreciated.

It is crucial that we embrace these concepts ourselves and teach them to our children. We can’t simply assume that it will all work out ok on its own or that it's not a big deal. Between peer pressure and cultural pressure our children desperately need for us, their parents, to offer guidance on how they should conduct themselves! It is a challenge that we must embrace and seek God’s guidance on this all important parenting need! Don't trust the world to shape your child's character! That's the role of parents!

Confront the Monster

I remember shortly after I surrendered my life to Christ as an 11 year old my Mom pulled me aside and explained to me that part of that commitment meant that my behavior and my attitude toward others, especially my siblings, would have to be changed. This explanation opened the door for the Holy Spirit to begin dealing with me on a regular basis about the lifelong struggle to train “self” to live for Christ. It was right then that I came to understand that I would have to tame a monster living in me. The monster of self!

In Romans 12:10, we are told to honor one another above yourselves. In Philippians 2:3-8, we are told to “do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than ourselves. Each of you should look out not only for your own interests, but also the interests of others”. We are told to adopt the attitude of Christ who humbled Himself to serve the need of humanity to have our sins forgiven in order to be restored to fellowship with God the Father.

Our culture is bombarding us in myriads of ways with the message that the most important pursuit in life is to serve self no matter what it might cost others. The message of our world is “you deserve more than anyone else and you owe it to yourself to do whatever you can get away with to gratify yourself”. This message is at complete odds with the example of Christ who volunteered to take the full punishment for all our sins and wrongdoing upon Himself so that we could be pardoned.

The reality is that this pursuit of exalting self is an ugly practice that ultimately robs us of joyful relationships, long lasting marriages, harmony in our homes, emotional fulfillment, Spiritual maturity, fulfillment in relationship with God, and all the other desirable things in life. Self keeps us constantly exhausted as we pursue the greener grass just on the other side of another fence. This worship of self is one of the most destructive forces at work in the world today.

So, my point is that as Christians, we should meditate on, and memorize, these scripture verses and ask the Holy Spirit to help us tame the monster of self that lives in all of us. I am convinced that this area of growth will minimize much of the conflict in our homes and pull back the curtain to allow the light of harmony and joy to flood into our homes.

I would also encourage all parents to take the time to explain this foundational principle of Christianity to their children as a part of their parenting. Share these scriptures with your children in age appropriate language. Share with them examples of how you live that out as a follower of Christ. Confront their outbursts of selfishness. Explain the ugliness and consequences of selfishness to them. Lead them in asking God to forgive them for being selfish. Encourage them to ask forgiveness from those who have been wronged by their selfishness. This will open the door for the Holy Spirit to whisper the values of Heaven into your child’s spirit as they move through life. Train a child in the way he/she should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it.

I believe that this practice will positively affect the trajectory of the future of your family!

Train up a child

            Being a parent is one of the most incredible aspects of the human experience. Sadly, many fail to see its importance, assuming that their children will be ok with a minimal investment of parenting. In Proverbs 22:6, we are told that we are to train our children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it.  First of all, let me affirm that some who are great parents have wayward children who make bad choices. The prophet Samuel is one Biblical example. So my point is not to make parents of wayward children feel condemned. My purpose is to remind and encourage those of us who are rearing children to be vigilant and to seek effectiveness in our methods.

            Children are a sacred trust from God. In Malachi 2:15, we find that God’s plan is to perpetuate the knowledge of Him from parents to children to spread the knowledge of God from generation to generation. God’s desire is that we as parents would grow in our knowledge of Him and spread that to our children and grandchildren. The question becomes, “How do I do that?”

            The place to start is by role modeling. I don’t mean simply attending church and speaking Christian speak. I mean growing as a disciple of Christ daily. This is done by conforming our actions, words, attitudes, habits, deeds, and interpersonal relationships to the commands of Christ more and more each day. Galatians 5 and Colossians 3 give us a great list of qualities to turn away from and a list to replace them with. This is a process that is accomplished with a cooperation of our will/choices and the work of the Holy Spirit through prayer. Our homes should be filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and respect to name a few, not because we want to keep the church’s rules, but because we have been adopted as children of God and we want to blend into the nature and culture of our adoptive Father!

            Another important aspect is to tell your children the stories about your experience with God your Father. Do they know the details of your conversion experience? Do they know about the change that God has brought about in you? Do they know about the great answers to prayer in your life? Do they know about your discipleship growth struggles and triumphs? Have you shared your experience with God with them? They need to know that God is real and is making a real difference in your life.

            When our children misbehave, they all do it’s human nature, it is critical to connect their sinful behavior to Biblical principles. It doesn’t really help them to teach them to treat others well because it is the nice thing to do or because that’s what we expect. We should take them to the Golden Rule and teach them that Jesus expects us to treat others the way we want to be treated. Training is teaching. The question is, what is the foundation of our instruction? Anything other than God’s Word will eventually leave our children adrift to figure out how to live on their own rather than do it Mom’s way or Dad’s way. Teaching them to embrace God’s Word as the basis for all conduct in life will carry them into a real awareness of God’s presence in their lives. I believe this will equip our children to carry the knowledge of Jesus Christ as the full life giver to their generation and pass it on to the next generation.

Of course, they will make mistakes,that’s how we grow and learn. The key is that they will have a solid seed of eternity planted deep in them that will bear fruit for a lifetime. 

New things are stirring!

                                                                                                March 10,2013

Friends,

            The time has come for us share with you the things that God has been working in our lives. About 4 years ago, God began to speak to us about planting a church in the West Bank region of New Orleans. This is an area with a population of over 100,000 with only two viable AG churches. Hurricane Katrina destroyed about one half of the church in New Orleans, not just the buildings but also about one half of the ministry families left. Every aspect of the community suffered a great loss, including the Kingdom. God has a plan to restore His church there and bring a strong witness that will greatly impact this city that is in desperate need of a visitation of the Lord. We are amazed that God has called us to play a small part in His great plan for New Orleans.

           

            In the process of waiting for God’s timing, Pastor Larry asked us to consider helping with the Moncks Corner Campus start up. We prayed about it and felt that this was a door God opened for us as part of our journey. The past 20 months have been a wonderful season in our lives. We have enjoyed watching as God transformed this campus from a small group of a dozen into a stable, growing congregation of 60 on its way to many more. We have been greatly touched by your love, encouragement, and support. Thank you for accepting us and demonstrating so much love and grace to us. Your love and support have left a lasting mark on our lives.  Late last Fall, God began to impress upon us that our time at Moncks Corner was nearing an end and the time to start the work in New Orleans is drawing near. Since then, we have seen Him confirm this in several ways. Our last Sunday here with you will be March, 24^th, Palm Sunday.

            Regarding this campus, it is important that you all hold steady and stay focused on God’s plan to build a great work here that offers hope, salvation, and healing to this community. God has great opportunities in store for you here. Pastor Craig Butler will be serving as the Moncks Corner Campus pastor until a full time pastor can be located. God has great things in store for Moncks Corner!

           

We hope that you will continue to pray for us as we embark on this new journey of faith. We do not have an exact moving date, but we anticipate moving by mid April. We believe that this step of faith will result in God opening every door. Please pray that God will send a buyer for our home. Please pray that God will establish an income for us in New Orleans as we get this project kicked off. Please pray that God will help us raise our required start up budget of $15,000 plus the moving budget of $4,000.00. Thank you for your prayers.

We have been blessed more than we can express in our service with you,

Sam and Angie Elliott