Cancelled

Cancelled is a word that can either be negative as in the case of something you were eagerly anticipating being cancelled due to some problem, or it can be very positive as in the case of being released from some burdensome obligation like a traffic ticket.

My parents own a country store. When I was growing up, many of the locals carried a small charge account. They would come in, purchase items, and we would write down the total owed on the tally sheet. Every week or two, they would come in and make payments and we would strike off the amounts paid. This part of the bill was cancelled ... paid ... finished...completed...never mentioned again...you get the idea. This is a picture of forgiveness.

Grudge holding, list keeping, and pay backs are like a cancer that eats away at marriage. No marriage can withstand the effects of these practices. In order to truly experience the blessing God intended the marriage relationship to bring, we have to practice the art of forgiveness. By the way,we get better at it the more we do it. 

If you take a few minutes to read Matthew 18:23-35, you will discover that forgiveness involves several key elements: 

• My mate has said or done something that is hurtful to me.
• I realize that I have hurt my mate also.
• We are both in need of forgiveness from each other.
• Holding grudges undermines our ability to be close.
• In order to have a life of love together, we must forgive each other and learn to be careful not to hurt each other in the future.
• My relationship with God is negatively affected by my refusal to forgive others...especially my mate.
• Forgiveness does not minimize the hurt...it maximizes my expression of love.

The question is not whether your mate deserves forgiveness. God made a way of forgiveness for all of us regardless of our worthiness. That is the pattern for forgiveness.
Give the gift of forgiveness to insure a long life of love!

 

Exercise for this week:

Are you holding a grudge against your mate?
What offense are you refusing to forgive?
How is the grudge effecting your relationship?
Is that what you want?
Choose to forgive and pull your marriage out of the nosedive.
Communication is the key to moving forward after forgiveness is given.  

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Say something special

Have you ever noticed how the simplest things are often the most special and impactful? We have all been uplifted by the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, the changing leaves in the Fall, the warming effect of a child's laughter, the touch of our mate, and many other similar things. It is truly amazing to think that God created us with the capacity to receive pleasure and comfort from these types of things. It is clear that He intended for us to enjoy all of these in a special way that brings real satisfaction. this is an expression of God's love for us!
Likewise He created marriage to be a source of pleasure and comfort in a fallen world that is constantly seeking to drag us down. The challenge for us is to find ways to break away from the stresses of duty and responsibility in order to refresh ourselves. Contrary to popular belief, money and things do not bring the same satisfaction as the simple things God has wired us to enjoy.
Recently, I woke up in the middle of the night to find a comfortable position and in the process discovered that my wife was awake when I heard her voice softly thank me for something I had done for her recently. I was somewhat overwhelmed when I thought about the significance of this simple special event. While I was sleeping, she was thinking about me...giving thanks for something I had done for her. Her mind was filled with gratitude...for me. I was having some difficult times and this simple, heartfelt expression from her warmed me and brought me a real sense of comfort. This simple statement brought real comfort and reminded me that all that "stuff" out in the world that seeks to overpower us is really not that important after all.
This week, why not spend a few minutes focusing on what you appreciate about your mate and make sure to express it to him/her in the simplest terms possible. I'm sure you will find that your simple expression will have more power for good in your mate's life than you ever imagined! Our words really can pour life into others.

The tone in your home!

Have you noticed that there is a certain tone or mini culture everywhere we go? Places of business have a certain "feel" that is reflected in the way they treat customers and co-workers. Churches have a certain "feel" that can be detected right away. It is reflected by the way people relate to each other and newcomers. Schools have a mini culture. The truth is that nearly every group of people create a mini culture within their ranks. The driving force is heavily influenced by the leaders of the group.
Families also create a mini culture. I'm sure that you have visited families and noticed that some families are quiet, loud, respectful, disrespectful, close, detached, wasteful, frugal, expressive, stoic, self reliant, whiny, and the list goes on and on. The tone in the home should be set by the parents.
The tone in the home is a powerful shaping tool that will influence your children for a lifetime, either positively or negatively. After all, one of the big hurdles early in marriage is two people from homes with differing tones and customs learn to mesh together.
So the point is this, if we don't take time to choose the qualities that will make up the tone in our home, then negative qualities will creep in and take over....simply because we are people with flaws living in a fallen world and we must choose to daily overcome these effects.
This week, take some time with your spouse to discuss the tone you want to set in your home and relationship. May I suggest including the fruit of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22,23. I would like to suggest deciding to be a family that includes the gifts of love, joy, and laughter. Think of ways you can value each other in the day to day details of life.
When guests enter your home, what "feel" do you want to greet and overwhelm them? Enjoy taking time to choose and pursue these better things.

  For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Be a wife of real influence!

It seems to me that one of the issues that weighs heavily on the hearts of wives is the desire to influence their husbands and children to better things, especially to influence them toward a stronger commitment to Christ. The problem is that many of the tactics used seem to have the reverse effect causing much frustration and division in the home.
God has laid out a plan in 1 Peter 3:1-6 to help wives have real influence that will be embraced by her family! However, I must warn you that His plan will require a real leap of faith and a complete change of mindset.
Are you ready?
In chapter 2, He explains that in this world we(Christians) will be falsely accused of being evil and that we will suffer mistreatment and injustice by those in various places of authority. His command is to continue to do good and allow our godly lifestyle to eventually silence all evil talk. He points to Christ as our example of bearing up in righteousness when mistreated. Then, He begins to address the home.
The first statement He gives wives is to submit to their husbands. This term does mean to obey, but rather to live in a cooperative attitude. In Proverbs 21:9 we are told that a husband would rather live on a rooftop(homeless?) in peace than to live in a wonderful house with a wife who is quarrelsome. Husbands respond well to a warm cooperative attitude. We could spend a lot of time on this topic, but I think you get the point.
The next statement is a reference to the wife's lifestyle. The KJV uses the word conversation, but in the original the word refers to coming and going...lifestyle both in and out of the home. The lifestyle referred to here is one that is holy or free from defilement, cleansed, or pure. In other words, wives should be in a constant state of growing in the fruit of the Holy Spirit(as all believers should) and being a cooperative companion who fills the home with good qualities rather than complaining, demanding, and threatening. Husbands love a wife who is a "drama diffuser" rather than a "drama creator". A wife should be a source of peace and blessing in her home...even when things are not going great.

Then, He gives the outcome. The husband will see her how her very real relationship with Christ is making her into a wonderful person to be with and he will be won over without her saying a word to him!

This is the way for a wife to have real influence in her family! Godly influence!
It will take real faith to discard the "wisdom" of the world which accomplishes nothing positive in order to embrace the wisdom of God to bring real blessing to her family!

P.S. I am speaking to wives in average marriage situations. If you are in a marriage situation where your life is in danger due to a history of violence, you should take steps to protect your life and your children and figure out how to deal with the marriage with the help of a Pastor or Christian counselor.

  For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.