New Year's Resolutions Ideas

Well, this is the time of the year that we traditionally evaluate ourselves and decide, or decide again, to make improvements. Most people will focus on issues like losing weight, getting in shape, quitting smoking, or making more money.
While these can be excellent issues that need to be dealt with, I would like to encourage you to work on strengthening your marriage. There is nothing more important than strengthening your family. Our culture desperately needs to see successful marriages!
This can take on many important aspects like spending more time together, learning to communicate better, and prioritizing date nights, but I would like to suggest that a great idea is to resolve to strengthen your marriage by becoming a stronger disciple of Christ. I am not talking necessarily about more church attendance or volunteer involvement. While these are a wonderful and vital part of the process of growing as a disciple of Christ, I am talking about asking God to help you grow in Christlike qualities like:

• Love - simply putting others first and lifting them up..especially your mate 
• Joy - determine to have a joyful heart that fills your home...get rid of moodiness, angry outbursts, and a sour attitude...be a joy to be around
• Peace - decide to be at peace no matter what happens knowing that God is watching over you
• Goodness - enjoy, appreciate, do, and reward those things that are good
• Patience - pursue a patient, calm attitude...no more uptight demeanor 
• Kindness - life is full of opportunities to be kind - act on them especially with your mate 
• Faithfulness - determine to be reliable and loyal
• Self Control - stop granting yourself permission to behave and speak in ways that are hurtful to others, especially your mate

You probably recognize this as the list of fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22. This year, determine to improve your life by improving your marriage by cooperating with God's plan to cultivate more of the fruit of the Spirit into you.  

The best way to improve your marriage is to become a better marriage partner.  

The best way to become a better marriage partner is to develop more of these Heavenly qualities.  

Here are a couple of helpful hints:

1. Tell God that you want to do this and ask for His help.
2. Notice how you are in these areas currently.
3. Write down the list of desired qualities and make it a part of your daily prayer time.
4. Make a point of noticing opportunities to replace old ways with these new, better responses.
5. You will be amazed what God will do in you this year if you stick to it.
6. Thank God for growth that you notice. 

Start the New Year off right by committing to strengthen your marriage!  

Order your copy of I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.  

This 14 week daily devotional will help you focus on improving your marriage!

Click on the sidebar to order yours today! 

  

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

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Facebook Fire!

 I recently read that 66% of lawyers cite Facebook as their primary source of evidence in adultery cases. In England, last year 20% of divorce petitions involved "Facebook Flings". Currently, one out of five American divorces now involve Facebook. I suppose many would jump to suggest that we close down Facebook accounts, sue Facebook, or make Facebook illegal, but Facebook is not the problem. Foolish human decision-making is the problem, as usual.

Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is the one who sleeps with another man's wife, no one who touches her will go unpunished...But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement, whoever does so destroys himself. The NIV Bible, Proverbs 6:27-29,32.

Many men and women believe that they can engage in friendship building, emotional connections, and so called innocent flirting with someone of the opposite sex and suffer no ill effects. The truth is that this is playing with fire and someone will be burnt because the most powerful component of human sexuality is deep emotional bonding. It is unreasonable to think that one could build these bonds with someone other than their mate and keep their relationship with their mate in tact. If you play with fire...you will be burnt!

If you destroy your marriage, you will create widespread devastation to everyone you love including yourself. Study the divorce checklist in our book to learn more about this.

This has always been an issue for some, but now many who would never engage in this type of behavior in person are slipping into it through the convenience and privacy of Facebook and other social media. Facebook opens opportunities that seem safe because there is no face to face interaction. The truth is that someone can turn and even steal your heart without any face to face contact, in fact it is even easier this way because there are no negatives to overcome. The other person can weave the perfect fantasy to lure you away without any of the reality checks that face to face interactions would bring. Add to that the allure of the secret relationship and the danger level has just increased exponentially. What seems innocent and safe is really the most dangerous of all. This fantasy relationship can quickly turn into an obsession and before long a rendezvous is planned. This is the point where all you love will be destroyed. The fire is raging!

Here are some ideas to help keep you safe on Facebook:

1. Never write anything negative about your mate.
2. Never share your deepest struggles, frustrations,and dreams on your wall for all to read.
3. Do not give out sensitive details about your life for all to read.
4. Never express the need for help of any sort on your wall for all to read.
5. Remember, there are those who are predators looking for someone to conquer, if you give them the info to steal your heart, they will use it to destroy you. Those with evil intents are the first to volunteer to "help". 
6. Be careful about the pictures you post and how they portray your lifestyle and overall happiness.
7. Never post pictures that could be used to locate your home and learn the details of the inside.
8. Never carry on conversations through messaging with someone of the opposite sex unless your mate knows about it and approves.
9. Allow your mate to read any messages exchanged with someone of the opposite sex.
10. Never respond to any flirtation ... ignore it completely.
11.  Never engage in flattery with someone of the opposite sex.
12. Never send someone of the opposite sex pictures of yourself...any kind of pictures! 
13. Be careful how you get emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex who is needy and asking for your encouragement and help...refer them to a friend who is the same sex as the person for help.
14. Guard your heart. Devote your energy to deepening your bond with your mate!
15. If you would feel uncomfortable with the conversation/budding relationship in person, shut it down on Facebook!

It is easier to put out a small campfire than a raging wildfire!   

 Have a Merry Christmas! 

Start the New Year off right by committing to strengthen your marriage!  

Order your copy of I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.  

This 14 week daily devotional will help you focus on improving your marriage!

Click on the sidebar to order yours today! 

  

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

Tell a friend about the Marriage Coach!

Now, where are we going?!

Christmas is a wonderful time of year filled with reminders of God's love for us, good food, family gatherings, gift giving, and the joy that all of this brings. However, these things also create many opportunities for arguments, stress, and hurt feelings.

Couples often have a difficult time blending their families' traditions. Families have a wide variety of traditions that are very important to everyone involved. When a couple gets married, a new family is formed and these traditions are forever affected, especially after children are born.
The struggle to honor the traditions of both sides of the family coupled with work parties, school parties, church parties, and celebrating with friends can turn this wonderful season into an exhausting marathon both physically and emotionally.
This year, don't let all of this busyness steal the joy from your Christmas! Here are some ideas to consider:

• Realize that you must put your mate and children above the expectations of everyone else
• Determine to maintain the joy of Christmas in your own heart no matter what anyone else chooses to do
• Communicate with your mate to find agreement concerning which functions to attend...there are an abundance of demands but only a limited amount of time and energy 
• Communicate with your mate to determine how much you can afford to spend and plan to make it count
• Realize that as your family grows, it is impossible to please everyone so do the best you can and refuse to feel guilty for what simply can't or shouldn't be done
• Consider creating new traditions at your home that include grandparents and extended family
• Be courteous and understanding as changes are implemented...the changes associated with the passage of time can sometimes bring sadness 
•  Remember that you are shaping your children's Christmas memories...hectic running around trying to fulfill everyone's expectations might not create the best memories...the warmest memories of Christmas are built around time spent together valuing each other

This year, Have a Merry Christmas! 

Start the New Year off right by committing to strengthen your marriage!  

Order your copy of I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.  

This 14 week daily devotional will help you focus on improving your marriage!

Click on the sidebar to order yours today! 

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

Tell a friend about the Marriage Coach!

Whose job is it anyway?

One of the greatest sources of conflict in most marriages is caused by the division of household duties. Many couples stay in a perpetual tug of war over who is responsible for which chores. A recent study revealed that average couples spend 40 minutes every day arguing over household chores! Is this really the best way to spend time together? It's time to end this tug of war!

I suppose the most common source of conflict is still the idea that the cleaning, cooking, and most of the childcare is "woman's work". While yard work and household repairs is "man's work".
The root of this problem has nothing to do with the chore itself. The food network has shown us that some of the greatest cooks in the world are men...manly men. The DIY network has shown us that women can do well and even excel in the world of home renovation and construction. So the gender stereotypes have nothing to do with ability or aptitude for certain tasks.

The root of this conflict is a failure to understand the benefit of teamwork. A sad fact of life is that chores exist in every household and someone has to do them. If we will simply identify what has to be done, agree on how it should be done, and then simply pitch in to get the chores done this conflict would be resolved.

While this is a simple and obvious fix, it becomes a complicated stalemate in many marriages because of our tendency to keep score of how much "I" am doing versus how much "you" are doing. This score keeping is always subjective and thus favors the one keeping score which becomes a real problem when both are keeping an imbalanced score. Soon, it is no longer about chores, but rather is a tug of war over power in the relationship, a measure of love, and a demonstration of a lack of respect and appreciation. What started off as a simple need to do something relatively meaningless like washing clothes or cooking a meal has now become a measuring stick for the depth of love in the relationship and threatens to forever alter the future of the family.

If you are locked in a conflict over chores with your mate I hope you can see that stubborn resistance to prove your point is doing your marriage more harm than good. If you eventually win, you lose the love of your mate.

Choose to let it go and choose to pursue the command of Philippians 2:3 by taking on the attitude of Jesus who chose to set aside His "rights and privileges" in order to express His love for us by being a servant.
"But, what if I do that and my mate takes advantage of me?" That is where loving communication, prayer, and trusting God come into play. The point is not about the chores...the point is to allow love to swallow self centeredness. When we choose to stop fighting our mate for our rights and privileges and choose instead to freely offer love and loving deeds... love grows. When we choose to fight for self in the marriage conflict and division grow.

Choose to lay down the rope and stop the tug of war this week. Be a helper to your mate in all areas and see the climate in your home warm up!  

Check out past articles at:  

www.abettermarriage.blogspot.com.

 

Start the New Year off right by committing to strengthen your marriage!  

Order your copy of I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.  

This 14 week daily devotional will help you focus on improving your marriage!

Click on the sidebar to order yours today! 

    

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

Tell a friend about the Marriage Coach!