Appreciate your Mate

In our quest to add romance and warmth to marriage, we have talked about writing love letters and the importance of encouraging our mate.
This week, I would like to ask you to think about appreciating your mate. On the surface, I'm sure you are thinking that this will be an encouragement to take time to give thanks for your mate...and it is... but, more importantly, I want to think about the word "appreciate".
We tend to think of appreciation in terms of the increase in value of something like real estate or investments. Because we recognize the increasing value of our investments, we give them more and more loving care and attention.
Our marriages are the greatest Earthly treasure we have and they should be and can be appreciating every day, thus we should ascribe to our mate more and more value every day.
Here are some helpful tips to boost appreciation in your marriage:

• View your mate as a gift from God to be valued and cared for.
• Make it your quest to learn to understand what makes your mate "tick".
• Learn to admire your mate's good qualities.
• Choose to stop being critical and learn to be observant and admiring. 
• Learn to appreciate your mate's quirks.
• Value your mate even though he/she is less than perfect. 
• Choose to spend time together doing things you both enjoy.
• Choose to spend time doing things your mate enjoys, but you really don't...you can learn a lot like this if you don't ruin it by complaining and criticizing.

When I was growing up, my grandparents, who lived near us, had a standing date to go fishing every Monday weather permitting. They never caught many fish, but they always enjoyed spending the day together. When I became an adult, I realized that the point was not catching fish, that was a bonus, the point was enjoying time together as a couple...after over 40 years together.  Appreciate your Mate!

           

     Refresh the Romance this year!

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Encourage your Mate!

The glue that holds a marriage together is a real friendship. In order to refresh the romance in a marriage, it is important to continually renew and deepen the friendship. We have spoken to surprising numbers of couples who have neglected this aspect of their marriage to the point that they feel they hardly know each other anymore.
Don't let this happen to you!
One of the key components of friendship is the practice of encouraging your friend through the difficult days of life. This can be difficult because it requires a real commitment of time, emotional energy, and facing the fearful possibility that your mate feels that the causes of the difficulty are your fault.  So, too many couples refer their mate to outside friends and family for encouragement. However, we form deep bonds with those who encourage us through the dark days of life. This is why so many couples feel so disconnected.
My wife and I have determined that we will be each others' foremost encouragers! Here are some tips we have learned through the years to help you develop the habit of encouraging each other:

• Learn to listen to your mate's struggles and ask questions to help make sure you understand. (Help me understand why you feel...)
• Don't be critical or judgmental, simply listen.
• Don't make it about you. Your mate is hurting, don't hijack the conversation to go off about how their pain is going to affect you. There may be a time for that conversation later...not now.  
•  Don't get defensive, simply listen and apologize if necessary.
• Discouragement is built on real circumstances and faulty interpretations. Acknowledge the circumstances, but lovingly challenge the interpretations.
• Remind your mate of God's promises.
• Remind your mate of how God has brought you through difficulties in the past.
• Look your mate in the eye and tell them what you admire and love about him/her.
• Reassure your mate of your love for them regardless of life's circumstances.
• Make sure to make eye contact and work in as many hugs as possible.
• Finally, hold your mate and pray for them. 

When you choose to connect with your mate in their low times, you will truly become a ray of sunshine to your mate! This will pay off BIG in the relationship.   

          Refresh the Romance this year! 

                             

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Romance...Something Special

Hopefully, by now you have a plan for Valentine's Day and are about to burst with excitement as you anticipate the joy you are about to bring your mate.
I am puzzled to hear people complain about the attention given to the idea of romance this time of year. The fact is that romance is a special gift from God given to help life be more fun and enjoyable for married couples. You probably know that life is filled with obstacles, difficulties, responsibilities, and monotonous routines. Romantic expressions between a husband and wife are like those cool mountain streams that renew and refresh the relationship.
I am glad that we have a day set aside in our culture to help me remember to focus on this wonderful gift.
Take a minute to think about this whole thing. In all of creation, humans are the only ones who enjoy the process of attraction, courtship and marriage. The animals are driven solely by an instinct to pair up in order to reproduce.
During the courtship phase, couples are caught up in the euphoria of finding love and the possibilities it brings. After marriage, too many couples allow the difficulties and routines to transform the euphoria into boredom and griping.
My point the past few weeks is that while the euphoria may not last in its initial intensity, it is replaced with something better...abiding love, it can be rekindled and enjoyed again and again throughout the marriage by returning to the practices of courtship.
So, focus on your mate. Plan and scheme ways to thrill and bless your mate. Get creative. open your heart and share it with your mate and enjoy this gift of romance throughout your marriage! 

          Refresh the Romance this year! 

                             

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Romance needs a little Fun!

Hopefully, by now, you have a plan to write your mate a few well thought out, meaningful, heart felt love letters, notes, or cards.
The next step is to plan a presentation. There are lots of ways to do this, but it seems best to add an element of fun and surprise. I recommend starting about a week before Valentine's Day (this is also great for any special occasion or no occasion at all). Leave the first one somewhere for your mate to find during the day maybe the refrigerator, the towel cabinet, a clothing drawer, the car, etc. The element of surprise really creates an overwhelming rush of excitement and fun. Then, over the next few days, leave the others to be found one at a time in different places. If you skip a day and hide them irregularly, it adds to the suspense. If you want to get real creative, leave clues to be found that lead your mate to the next card. If you do this, be careful to be specific and clear with your clues. All of this takes planning so don't put it off.
 

Plan on getting started right away!

The main thing here is that it screams out,"I love you and went to a lot of extra effort to make sure you know it!" This will always lift up your mate. 

This exercise will pay off in Big rewards in your marriage!

          Refresh the Romance this year! 

                             

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.

Writing a Love Letter

This week, I want to challenge you to continue to refresh the romance in your marriage by writing love letters or cards. With Valentine's Day approaching, it is a great time to start!
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to find a card off the shelf that truly expresses what you feel for your mate?
A few years ago, I gave up. After hours of looking at cards, I decided to try my hand at making my own, after all, how hard could it be? Turns out, it was pretty hard at first. I am a fairly creative guy, but it took some effort to get going. I want to share some pointers with you.
 

• First of all, read the Song of Solomon(Songs) in your Bible. It is a fantastic illustration of a great love letter. Don't get caught up in the plot or the symbolism (that could be for later) simply notice the content and style of the love expressions between the lovers.
• Imitate the style, but not the words. Make it your own. For example, I don't recommend comparing your wife's hair to goat hair or her teeth to freshly shorn sheep, but I think you get the overall idea.
   
• Make a list of topics to be highlighted. In SOS the male lover highlights her perfume, her beauty, her kisses, her physical qualities, her voice, and his consuming desire  for her. The female lover talks about his good looks, his provision and protection, his strength, his ability, the joy of his public display of love for her, and how her desire for him consumes her.
• Plan on breaking your thoughts into several short letters/cards. Try to keep each letter/card specific on one or two topics.
• I normally try to tie them together with some sort of theme, but this is not necessary. One year, I used an adventure theme about our journey through life and thanked my wife for being the greatest companion. You get the point, but you don't have to go elaborate.
• You can do this as hand written letters or use your computer to create letters or cards. You can incorporate pictures or artwork...get creative.
• The main thing is that you invest some time writing out specifically a few things that you love and appreciate about your mate! Share your Heart!
   
• Do NOT incorporate ANYTHING that is derogatory or demeaning about your mate, this is a place for carefully used words of love and appreciation, not a place for hurtful teasing or sarcasm.

Plan on getting started right away!

This exercise will pay off in Big rewards in your marriage!

          Refresh the Romance this year! 

                             

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.