The glue that holds a marriage together is a real friendship. In order to refresh the romance in a marriage, it is important to continually renew and deepen the friendship. We have spoken to surprising numbers of couples who have neglected this aspect of their marriage to the point that they feel they hardly know each other anymore.
Don't let this happen to you!
One of the key components of friendship is the practice of encouraging your friend through the difficult days of life. This can be difficult because it requires a real commitment of time, emotional energy, and facing the fearful possibility that your mate feels that the causes of the difficulty are your fault. So, too many couples refer their mate to outside friends and family for encouragement. However, we form deep bonds with those who encourage us through the dark days of life. This is why so many couples feel so disconnected.
My wife and I have determined that we will be each others' foremost encouragers! Here are some tips we have learned through the years to help you develop the habit of encouraging each other:
Don't let this happen to you!
One of the key components of friendship is the practice of encouraging your friend through the difficult days of life. This can be difficult because it requires a real commitment of time, emotional energy, and facing the fearful possibility that your mate feels that the causes of the difficulty are your fault. So, too many couples refer their mate to outside friends and family for encouragement. However, we form deep bonds with those who encourage us through the dark days of life. This is why so many couples feel so disconnected.
My wife and I have determined that we will be each others' foremost encouragers! Here are some tips we have learned through the years to help you develop the habit of encouraging each other:
- Learn to listen to your mate's struggles and ask questions to help make sure you understand. (Help me understand why you feel...)
- Don't be critical or judgmental, simply listen.
- Don't make it about you. Your mate is hurting, don't hijack the conversation to go off about how their pain is going to affect you. There may be a time for that conversation later...not now.
- Don't get defensive, simply listen and apologize if necessary.
- Discouragement is built on real circumstances and faulty interpretations. Acknowledge the circumstances, but lovingly challenge the interpretations.
- Remind your mate of God's promises.
- Remind your mate of how God has brought you through difficulties in the past.
- Look your mate in the eye and tell them what you admire and love about him/her.
- Reassure your mate of your love for them regardless of life's circumstances.
- Make sure to make eye contact and work in as many hugs as possible.
- Finally, hold your mate and pray for them.
When you choose to connect with your mate in their low times, you will truly become a ray of sunshine to your mate! This will pay off BIG in the relationship.
Refresh the Romance this year!
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