The great challenge of husbands and fathers

Genesis Chapter 3 contains one of the saddest stories of the all time. Adam and Eve, the first man and woman created by God, were living in a perfect world, in perfect relationship, in a perfect environment, and enjoying face to face friendship with Almighty God. Truly, it was a real paradise. God had given Adam one simple command to obey, “Do not eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on the day you eat of it, you will surely die.” God had appointed Adam as the caretaker of this paradise, even allowing Adam to name all the creatures. This opportunity to name everything demonstrated that God had given Adam delegated authority over creation. This authority also brought responsibility. Over time, God saw that Adam was lonely and needed a mate. God carefully crafted a mate for Adam who was perfect for him. She also bore the image of God, but had many different qualities than Adam. God’s plan was that they would live together in a harmonious relationship allowing their differences to benefit each other and the family.

            Because he was created first and because he had been given the command directly from God concerning the one fruit to never eat and because he had been called to name all living creatures including Eve, Adam was expected to be the leader. This did not make him the boss, but a much better role…a loving leader. His primary responsibility was to lead his wife and children in fellowship and obedience to God. In short, he was to teach them to care for God’s creation and make sure they never ate from the forbidden tree. It seems like a simple task, but as we all know something went terribly wrong.

            One day, Satan engaged Eve in a conversation where he questioned God’s command, God’s warning of death upon disobedience, and God’s very character and motivation for the command. The sad thing is that after she took a bite, we read that she gave some to Adam who was standing right there. He stood by passively as she was swept away by the great deceiver. Of course, paradise was ruined. Sin and death began to wreak havoc on all of humanity and creation. Eventually their son Cain murdered their son Abel. The weakness of Adam became the downfall of men the world over. Things would have been so different if only Adam would have lovingly put his arm around Eve and led her away from the deceiver. If only, he would have stepped up to remind Eve of God’s trustworthiness and faithfulness as he led her away from the tree evil would have been kept at bay. But, he found it easier to take the road of passivity.

            I have found that all men, especially the one I look at in the mirror every morning face this challenge on a daily basis. Our God-given responsibility is to lovingly lead our family into the blessing that comes from obedience to God’s Word. It is, however much easier to be passive. It is demanding to always be on the lookout for the deceiver who might be trying to lead our wives and children into sin that will bring destruction to our families. Unfortunately, we tend to take the ill fated path of Adam.

            The first challenge we face is the challenge to live in obedience to God’s Word and His values ourselves. The next challenge is to recognize how the deceiver might be seeking to gain entrance into our family. This requires paying attention to our wives and children. Do you know what is being taught at school? Do you know who your children are friends with? Do you know the video games your children watch? Have you read the words of their favorite songs? Have you asked them about their relationship with God? Being a watchman for our families requires being engaged with them in a real way. As men, we tend to assume all is well as we distract ourselves with other things. It is important to become engaged with our family. We need to explain God’s ways about how we should conduct ourselves in this world to our children. We need to especially explain God’s plan for marriage, sexuality, friendships, life purpose, and every other aspect of life to our children. We need to recognize when our family members are drifting dangerously close to trouble and lovingly lead them away to safety and carefully explain the benefit of obeying God’s will to them. We need to teach them how to handle anger without sin. We need to teach them how to express honor and respect toward others. We need to lead them in never participating in gossip or bullying. We need to instill in our children a solid work ethic. We need to teach them about the nature, character, and faithfulness of God from His word and also by sharing our experience with God to them. We need to teach them to pray and trust God.

            It is crucial that men lovingly lead their wives and children in the things of God to keep the ravaging effects of sin away. How many family heartbreaks would have been prevented if only the men had taken a stand and lovingly led their family away from sin? How many divorces could have been avoided? How many children could have been steered away from violence, drugs, alcohol abuse, sexual looseness, emotional bullying, the effects of out of control friends, suicide, and a host of other destructive behaviors? Of course, the past can’t be changed. Every man has felt the sting of pain in his family and suspected that his passivity may have opened the door for this lion to come roaring in. I am challenging men everywhere to join me in the quest to cast off passivity and lovingly lead our families into the safety of obedience to God! Start today! Ask God to help you and guide you. Begin to engage your children in meaningful conversation. Work together with your wife to lead your family into the fullness of life that Jesus promised! Cast off passivity!

All About Real Life Church...Check it out!

God began to speak to my wife and I about moving to New Orleans roughly 5 years ago. The mission was clear. We are to plant a church and to engage in family ministry that will encourage and strengthen healthy families and bring healing and restoration to hurting families.
The journey has been long and filled with varying challenges. But, by God's great hand we are here and we are moving forward in the process of getting this work off the ground! The praise truly belongs to God! I will be sharing tidbits of the journey in the weeks to come as we move forward!
So, this blog post is devoted mostly to providing information about this new church, Real Life Church, which will be located on the West Bank of New Orleans. I want to provide a clear description of what we are all about for any who have an interest in being involved either by attending and serving or by making prayer or financial contributions.

Real Life Church

Our Mission...

ENCOURAGE

Development of a life changing friendship with Jesus Christ

Joyful living through Biblical principles

Discovery of God’s unique life mission for everyone

A lifestyle of gratitude, faith, and worship

A legacy of healthy families

Development of meaningful, uplifting friendships

Selfless living through serving

Our Vision…

We dream of touching thousands of people with the Good News Of Jesus

We dream of seeing the hurting find healing in Christ

We dream of seeing the whole encouraged and challenged to help others

We dream of seeing the life changing principles of the Bible bring joy to life

We dream of equipping many for service according to God’s plan for them

We dream of seeing broken lives healed and restored

We dream of seeing hurting families healed and restored

We dream of experiencing the amazing activity of the Holy Spirit

We dream of exalting Jesus Christ in the West Bank and beyond

Our Core Values

Put Jesus’ agenda first

Honor God’s Word

Practice Prayer

Honor and respect others

Walk in real love

Overwhelm with hospitality, friendliness, and thoughtfulness

Honor and preserve unity

Work hard at the right things

Laugh together often

Encourage strength and stability in families

Grow as we walk in the Spirit

Our Declaration

We will have a heart of passion and devotion to Jesus Christ. We will commit to grow in His values as we learn His word and fellowship with His Spirit. We will have a generous heart of compassion for the hurting. We will use all effective methods to share the good news of Jesus Christ with as many as possible. We will stand together to encourage strong marriages and healthy families. We will allow the Holy Spirit to lead us in service according to our gifts and calling. We will cooperate with the Holy Spirit as He leads us. We will offer God our best! We will pursue excellence in all we do!  We will esteem love, honor, faith, and obedience!

Family Culture

What is the culture in your home? Have you ever thought about it? Every place where the same people interact regularly has its own unique culture. Some workplaces have a culture of competition and rivalry that keeps everyone on edge. Some have a culture of fear of the boss that keeps everyone on the lookout. Some have a culture of neglect and carelessness where everyone is simply there to get a paycheck and get by doing as little as possible because that is acceptable. A very few have a culture of teamwork and camaraderie.

            Churches have a unique culture. Some are warm and friendly. Some are formal and stiff. Some are very casual and free spirited, while others are very much driven by a code of regulations and traditions. Whether it is the culture of a workplace, church, or volunteer organization, it is primarily set by those in leadership and flows throughout the organization. The interesting thing is that people coming into the organization will naturally feel the presence of this unseen force and over time will acclimate to it…or be forced out. Most of us have experienced this in one way or another.

            Families have a unique culture also. The culture of families varies widely and is also set by the parents and in some cases the grandparents, if they have a place of regular influence in the family. Some families are characterized by doting over their children for far too long, some are known for neglect. Some family cultures are filled with fear, anger, yelling, and even profane name-calling. Some families have a culture of put downs, criticism, and sarcasm. Some have a culture of chaos with no order and no discipline…just a lot of yelling and empty threats. Some have a culture of violence. I recently met a family who brag that they are a family of fighters. They even brag about the parents being jailed for domestic violence. I guess the list of possible culture qualities in our families could go on and on, but I think you get the point. I hope this has caused you to think of families you know, or maybe the one you grew up in, and identify some aspect of the culture in that family. This is a stepping stone to the big question, “What is the culture in my family?”

            If the culture is set by the leaders (parents), then the culture can be deliberately set or changed. Every family has a culture. Most of the time, it is the default of the mix of qualities that flow out of the parents based on their circumstances and moods. In other words, most couples do not take time to determine the qualities that will define their relationship and their home. We just muddle through life reacting to our circumstances and moods like a ball in a pinball machine. Over time, whatever happens the most becomes the defining quality, or culture, in our home. It is the thing that our children remember most about growing up with us…good or bad.

I want to encourage you to join me in choosing to control our reactions in order to set a healthy culture in our families. As Christians, we should be pursuing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives: love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, self control, and faithfulness. Along with that, we should add faith and trust in God, generosity, encouraging words, Godliness, moral excellence, truthfulness, respect, dignity, predictability, calmness, and a good dose of fun (Galatians 5 and 2Peter 1). The pursuit of these qualities will comfort and nurture our children, strengthen our marriages, and be a light to the world around us. Not happy with the culture in your home? You can change it with God’s help!

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."

I saw this quote on the back of a cab recently and it made me start thinking. Why would a cab company put this quote on their cabs? Then it hit me. Can you imagine the treatment cab drivers get from most clients? I suppose they all think that they are the most important people in the city and that their agenda is the most important thing that driver will encounter that day. I am sure many of them treat the driver as their personal servant for the duration of their drive. I guess the slogan is an attempt to remind them that being nice is truly important to creating a positive experience.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are expected by God to exemplify in growing measure certain characteristics of His. This family resemblance is in stark contrast to what people are accustomed to seeing. Some of these qualities include: love, peace, joy, goodness, gentleness, kindness, patience, faithfulness, self - control, generosity, mercy, forgiveness, and humility. These are some of the core values of our new spiritual family (God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit). In fact, these qualities flow like a river into the souls of believers and out to the world as a beacon light …if we so choose. (Philippians 2 and Galatians 5, Ephesians 5, 2 Peter 2, and 1John4)

We, and our children, are bombarded constantly with a culture that glorifies pride, which is at its root simply an exaggerated sense of personal importance. If we buy into this cultural pursuit, it will surely undermine our fellowship with God and undercut every good thing in our lives. It is so important that we train our children through role modeling and through explanation to think of ourselves truthfully(Romans 12:3) and realize that we are no more important than anyone else. In fact, we will most resemble Christ if we take on the qualities of humility, love, forgiveness, service, and patience. We are surrounded by people who are clamoring to exalt themselves over others by any means possible whether it be by physical fighting or by undercutting them with gossip and betrayal campaigns operated behind the backs of others. The level of disrespect that some exhibit is truly shocking. It is in a time like this that we need to explain to our children that being Christlike is far better than being first. Helping others is far better than demanding that others serve our needs. Taking time to lift up the downtrodden is to be preferred over gaining popularity by joining in the bullying. Being kind and gracious is better than being dangerous. Merciful forgiveness is better than revenge. Being a generous giver is better than being a crafty taker. Treating others with respect and dignity, especially siblings, is always better than making others feel bad. Kind words of encouragement outweigh cutting words of insult.  Respectful communication is better than angry, profane screaming. Good manners are always appreciated.

It is crucial that we embrace these concepts ourselves and teach them to our children. We can’t simply assume that it will all work out ok on its own or that it's not a big deal. Between peer pressure and cultural pressure our children desperately need for us, their parents, to offer guidance on how they should conduct themselves! It is a challenge that we must embrace and seek God’s guidance on this all important parenting need! Don't trust the world to shape your child's character! That's the role of parents!

Confront the Monster

I remember shortly after I surrendered my life to Christ as an 11 year old my Mom pulled me aside and explained to me that part of that commitment meant that my behavior and my attitude toward others, especially my siblings, would have to be changed. This explanation opened the door for the Holy Spirit to begin dealing with me on a regular basis about the lifelong struggle to train “self” to live for Christ. It was right then that I came to understand that I would have to tame a monster living in me. The monster of self!

In Romans 12:10, we are told to honor one another above yourselves. In Philippians 2:3-8, we are told to “do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than ourselves. Each of you should look out not only for your own interests, but also the interests of others”. We are told to adopt the attitude of Christ who humbled Himself to serve the need of humanity to have our sins forgiven in order to be restored to fellowship with God the Father.

Our culture is bombarding us in myriads of ways with the message that the most important pursuit in life is to serve self no matter what it might cost others. The message of our world is “you deserve more than anyone else and you owe it to yourself to do whatever you can get away with to gratify yourself”. This message is at complete odds with the example of Christ who volunteered to take the full punishment for all our sins and wrongdoing upon Himself so that we could be pardoned.

The reality is that this pursuit of exalting self is an ugly practice that ultimately robs us of joyful relationships, long lasting marriages, harmony in our homes, emotional fulfillment, Spiritual maturity, fulfillment in relationship with God, and all the other desirable things in life. Self keeps us constantly exhausted as we pursue the greener grass just on the other side of another fence. This worship of self is one of the most destructive forces at work in the world today.

So, my point is that as Christians, we should meditate on, and memorize, these scripture verses and ask the Holy Spirit to help us tame the monster of self that lives in all of us. I am convinced that this area of growth will minimize much of the conflict in our homes and pull back the curtain to allow the light of harmony and joy to flood into our homes.

I would also encourage all parents to take the time to explain this foundational principle of Christianity to their children as a part of their parenting. Share these scriptures with your children in age appropriate language. Share with them examples of how you live that out as a follower of Christ. Confront their outbursts of selfishness. Explain the ugliness and consequences of selfishness to them. Lead them in asking God to forgive them for being selfish. Encourage them to ask forgiveness from those who have been wronged by their selfishness. This will open the door for the Holy Spirit to whisper the values of Heaven into your child’s spirit as they move through life. Train a child in the way he/she should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it.

I believe that this practice will positively affect the trajectory of the future of your family!