Family Culture

What is the culture in your home? Have you ever thought about it? Every place where the same people interact regularly has its own unique culture. Some workplaces have a culture of competition and rivalry that keeps everyone on edge. Some have a culture of fear of the boss that keeps everyone on the lookout. Some have a culture of neglect and carelessness where everyone is simply there to get a paycheck and get by doing as little as possible because that is acceptable. A very few have a culture of teamwork and camaraderie.

            Churches have a unique culture. Some are warm and friendly. Some are formal and stiff. Some are very casual and free spirited, while others are very much driven by a code of regulations and traditions. Whether it is the culture of a workplace, church, or volunteer organization, it is primarily set by those in leadership and flows throughout the organization. The interesting thing is that people coming into the organization will naturally feel the presence of this unseen force and over time will acclimate to it…or be forced out. Most of us have experienced this in one way or another.

            Families have a unique culture also. The culture of families varies widely and is also set by the parents and in some cases the grandparents, if they have a place of regular influence in the family. Some families are characterized by doting over their children for far too long, some are known for neglect. Some family cultures are filled with fear, anger, yelling, and even profane name-calling. Some families have a culture of put downs, criticism, and sarcasm. Some have a culture of chaos with no order and no discipline…just a lot of yelling and empty threats. Some have a culture of violence. I recently met a family who brag that they are a family of fighters. They even brag about the parents being jailed for domestic violence. I guess the list of possible culture qualities in our families could go on and on, but I think you get the point. I hope this has caused you to think of families you know, or maybe the one you grew up in, and identify some aspect of the culture in that family. This is a stepping stone to the big question, “What is the culture in my family?”

            If the culture is set by the leaders (parents), then the culture can be deliberately set or changed. Every family has a culture. Most of the time, it is the default of the mix of qualities that flow out of the parents based on their circumstances and moods. In other words, most couples do not take time to determine the qualities that will define their relationship and their home. We just muddle through life reacting to our circumstances and moods like a ball in a pinball machine. Over time, whatever happens the most becomes the defining quality, or culture, in our home. It is the thing that our children remember most about growing up with us…good or bad.

I want to encourage you to join me in choosing to control our reactions in order to set a healthy culture in our families. As Christians, we should be pursuing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives: love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, patience, gentleness, self control, and faithfulness. Along with that, we should add faith and trust in God, generosity, encouraging words, Godliness, moral excellence, truthfulness, respect, dignity, predictability, calmness, and a good dose of fun (Galatians 5 and 2Peter 1). The pursuit of these qualities will comfort and nurture our children, strengthen our marriages, and be a light to the world around us. Not happy with the culture in your home? You can change it with God’s help!