Whose job is it anyway?

One of the greatest sources of conflict in most marriages is caused by the division of household duties. Many couples stay in a perpetual tug of war over who is responsible for which chores. A recent study revealed that average couples spend 40 minutes every day arguing over household chores! Is this really the best way to spend time together? It's time to end this tug of war!

I suppose the most common source of conflict is still the idea that the cleaning, cooking, and most of the childcare is "woman's work". While yard work and household repairs is "man's work".
The root of this problem has nothing to do with the chore itself. The food network has shown us that some of the greatest cooks in the world are men...manly men. The DIY network has shown us that women can do well and even excel in the world of home renovation and construction. So the gender stereotypes have nothing to do with ability or aptitude for certain tasks.

The root of this conflict is a failure to understand the benefit of teamwork. A sad fact of life is that chores exist in every household and someone has to do them. If we will simply identify what has to be done, agree on how it should be done, and then simply pitch in to get the chores done this conflict would be resolved.

While this is a simple and obvious fix, it becomes a complicated stalemate in many marriages because of our tendency to keep score of how much "I" am doing versus how much "you" are doing. This score keeping is always subjective and thus favors the one keeping score which becomes a real problem when both are keeping an imbalanced score. Soon, it is no longer about chores, but rather is a tug of war over power in the relationship, a measure of love, and a demonstration of a lack of respect and appreciation. What started off as a simple need to do something relatively meaningless like washing clothes or cooking a meal has now become a measuring stick for the depth of love in the relationship and threatens to forever alter the future of the family.

If you are locked in a conflict over chores with your mate I hope you can see that stubborn resistance to prove your point is doing your marriage more harm than good. If you eventually win, you lose the love of your mate.

Choose to let it go and choose to pursue the command of Philippians 2:3 by taking on the attitude of Jesus who chose to set aside His "rights and privileges" in order to express His love for us by being a servant.
"But, what if I do that and my mate takes advantage of me?" That is where loving communication, prayer, and trusting God come into play. The point is not about the chores...the point is to allow love to swallow self centeredness. When we choose to stop fighting our mate for our rights and privileges and choose instead to freely offer love and loving deeds... love grows. When we choose to fight for self in the marriage conflict and division grow.

Choose to lay down the rope and stop the tug of war this week. Be a helper to your mate in all areas and see the climate in your home warm up!  

Check out past articles at:  

www.abettermarriage.blogspot.com.

 

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