Win - Win

In every marriage, there is an ongoing need to come to a place of agreement over conflicting opinions and desires.
This is a normal part of marriage as two people who are very different learn to live life together.

Unfortunately, this process often stirs up a lot of misunderstanding, over-reaction, painful words and actions, hurt feelings, and too often leads to unforgiveness, grudges held, retaliation, and worse.

Many times, people begin to think that they have married the wrong person because the need for negotiating agreement is so frequent. This thought pattern often leads to a search outside the marriage for their "true soulmate"...which is a fantasy that does not exist.

The key is to grow in our approach to disagreement. As married people, we need to realize that difference of opinion and preference is inevitable. It simply means we have an opportunity to understand each other better.  

Our goal should always be to make decisions that will best serve our marriage and family. This creates a win - win situation. Here are some thoughts to consider to help us grow in this area:

• Try to maintain self control and keep anger in check.
• Try to see this as an opportunity to learn about why your mate sees things the way they do.
• Try to avoid the need to "win" or be "right". Instead, look for what's best. 
• Be careful with your words. Try to make sure not to say something you will regret later.
• Determine the importance of the issue to you...is it very important, somewhat important, or not very important?
• Try to determine the same from your mate.
• Do Christian discipleship principles enter into the decision making process? If so, they should take the lead.
• If it is less important to you than your mate and it is not going to violate any Christian value or cause any harm, then this is a great opportunity to show love to your mate by accommodating their desire...everybody wins.
• If you both feel strongly about conflicting plans of action, spend time discussing the pros and cons of each plan. Make sure to pray for guidance.
• It could be that a little of each plan will turn out to be the best plan of action. 
•  Stay engaged in the process until agreement is reached.   
• Make sure that love prevails. 

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do.