Avoid the straw that broke the camle's back

"The straw that broke the camel's back." This is a saying that has its roots in an ancient Arab proverb and many believe entered our world of idioms when Charles Dickens popularized the proverb in his book, Dombey and Son. This idiom simply means that even as a camel, though able to carry burdens up to one thousand pounds, has a limit on how much it can bear, we have limits also. We can endure a lot of stress and difficulty, but when loaded fully, it seems that one more small thing can make our load too much and break us.

This idea is also portrayed in the Bible in Song of Songs 2:15. "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom" NIV.
In this ancient love song, the man is urging his beloved to guard the vineyard of their love for each other which is in full bloom from the little foxes that try to undermine and destroy the relationship like small foxes destroy grape vineyards. Small foxes destroy the grape harvest by eating the fruit and destroying the roots of the vines thus destroying the current harvest and future harvests.

I have found this to be true in marriages too. Many times couples will allow hurts, unresolved conflicts, and resentments to build up in their relationship. This accumulation begins to create a negative cycle of hurt, isolation, and pulling away in the relationship. Unfortunately, there comes a time when one partner will reach his/her capacity and when one more little hurt is placed on him/her it will cause a major blow up in the relationship that is often the death blow to the relationship.

The solution is quite simple, don't allow yourself to get loaded up with offenses in the first place. Everyone has opportunities to be upset with the person to whom they are married. Every marriage is made up of two people who are very different. There are the basic male/female differences. There are family background differences that effect our traditions of engaging life and our child rearing philosophy. There are differences that come from varying educational backgrounds. There are personality differences. There are temperament differences. The list of possibilities is great.

Our problem is not formed by the differences. To summarize a complex process, our problem occurs because of our response to the differences. Many times, we fail to understand our mate's point of view and rather than investing the effort to understand, we discount their point of view as inferior to ours and then try to find a way to appease while we are irritated under the surface. This is how irritations accumulate. Every time we take this route a new irritation is accrued. These seem small and harmless at the time, but with each addition the weight of hurt, irritation, and disrespect grows. When both partners respond this way back and forth, it creates a terrible, negative cycle.

A better way is to unload yourself by choosing to grow in the practice of the following:

•   forgive your mate and let it go 
•  choose to acknowledge that your mate is a wonderful person who has many positive things to contribute to you and to your marriage
•  stop focusing on being smarter or better  
• stop focusing on being right all the time  
• learn to cheer your mate on to victories  
• acknowledge the ways your mate has provided qualities that you lack that have benefited you
• finally learn to be thankful for your mate and express it daily
• remember, your mate has far more positive qualities than negative 

Growing in these practices will provide a fence that will keep even the smallest foxes out of your marriage!

Don't let the small things break your marriage!

 

  

Order your copy of I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.  

This 14 week daily devotional will help you focus on improving your marriage!

Click on the sidebar to order yours today! 

  

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

Tell a friend about the Marriage Coach!