Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God. Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy. Matthew 5:9&7
Many people dread the family gatherings that the holidays bring.
I have to confess that I have experienced more of this than I would like. For years, I could not understand how to navigate through the complicated maze of painful extended family dynamics. I have been forced to search for answers and thought it might be helpful to share what I have learned thus far.
It is helpful to understand the root of the conflict. Many families were set up for conflict when the adults began to plant seeds of rivalry, competition, and favoritism in the relationships of the children. This is as old as Jacob and Esau and is still just as harmful. If your conflict is driven by this, why not choose to stop competing and simply cheer for your siblings. It will be hard, but it will begin the process of healing if someone will simply stop feeding the rivalry and offer love, kindness, and respect to their former sibling rival. Who knows how the others will respond, but at least you will be through striving and being tortured in your thinking. You will receive the double blessing of being a merciful peacemaker.
If your family conflict is fueled by long held offences, it is time to apologize and forgive and begin to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Being confident and satisfied with your path in life helps deflect the criticisms that come from those who feel a need to offer you unwanted life coaching so you can have a "more successful" life. Many times families develop differing values which create a disconnect. I have found out the hard way that it is usually better to simply listen and let it roll off rather than trying to explain. This "explaining" normally turns into a debate which creates tension and hurt feelings and fails to adequately explain anything except how upset I am.
Finally, sometimes the situation has to be evaluated and proper boundaries need to be set. Some family members habitually use the holidays to cross the line in being disrespectful and hurtful to others in the family. In these cases, I have found that effort should be made to make peace and create understanding, but sometimes it becomes necessary to break away and create your own family traditions rather than allow these folks to ruin the holidays for your mate and children year after year. After all, you and your mate are a family and you need to instill healthy traditions of holiday celebration for your children. It is important to do this with an attitude of love and forgiveness.
Hopefully these ideas will help you enjoy your thanksgiving meal without the heartburn later!
I have to confess that I have experienced more of this than I would like. For years, I could not understand how to navigate through the complicated maze of painful extended family dynamics. I have been forced to search for answers and thought it might be helpful to share what I have learned thus far.
It is helpful to understand the root of the conflict. Many families were set up for conflict when the adults began to plant seeds of rivalry, competition, and favoritism in the relationships of the children. This is as old as Jacob and Esau and is still just as harmful. If your conflict is driven by this, why not choose to stop competing and simply cheer for your siblings. It will be hard, but it will begin the process of healing if someone will simply stop feeding the rivalry and offer love, kindness, and respect to their former sibling rival. Who knows how the others will respond, but at least you will be through striving and being tortured in your thinking. You will receive the double blessing of being a merciful peacemaker.
If your family conflict is fueled by long held offences, it is time to apologize and forgive and begin to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Being confident and satisfied with your path in life helps deflect the criticisms that come from those who feel a need to offer you unwanted life coaching so you can have a "more successful" life. Many times families develop differing values which create a disconnect. I have found out the hard way that it is usually better to simply listen and let it roll off rather than trying to explain. This "explaining" normally turns into a debate which creates tension and hurt feelings and fails to adequately explain anything except how upset I am.
Finally, sometimes the situation has to be evaluated and proper boundaries need to be set. Some family members habitually use the holidays to cross the line in being disrespectful and hurtful to others in the family. In these cases, I have found that effort should be made to make peace and create understanding, but sometimes it becomes necessary to break away and create your own family traditions rather than allow these folks to ruin the holidays for your mate and children year after year. After all, you and your mate are a family and you need to instill healthy traditions of holiday celebration for your children. It is important to do this with an attitude of love and forgiveness.
Hopefully these ideas will help you enjoy your thanksgiving meal without the heartburn later!
Happy Thanksgiving!
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