I have found that many married people are afraid to truly love their mate. Before you run away in doubt, let me explain. Often, couples measure out loving acts to each other based on their expectation of a favorable return. In short, they are afraid that they might open their heart to their mate and get a less than favorable response so they live very guarded...desperately trying to protect themselves. They practice this difficult balancing act of giving out some love while holding back enough to feel protected.
Eventually, this leads to a cycle of giving less and receiving less and giving less and so on until both are feeling unloved and unwilling to continue on. It's at this point of deadlock where they realize that instead of growing in love they have grown in fear and now their relationship is in jeopardy.
The point is that love is completely open and ready to give. Love is willing to endure difficulty for the other. Love is ready to deny self for the other. Love is ready to put the needs of the other first. Love is focused on lifting up the other. Love does not set limits of service. Fear is unwilling to do any of this. Fear is focused on self. Fear demands that self is satisfied and comfortable. Love communicates its needs and gives mercy. Fear keeps a list of unmet expectations and pouts and retaliates. Love and fear can't grow together in a relationship. One will overtake the other and that will control the relationship.
The point is that a lifelong marriage is built on growing love and the eviction of fear. So, how do we grow in love? The answer is quite simple. The way we grow in love is to approach those times of personal sacrifice for the benefit of our mate with a good attitude of generosity and love rather than complaining and making a note to make sure the deed is reciprocated. In fact, students of love look for ways to put their mate's needs and wants above their own for the sheer joy of lavishing love on them. As students of love, we have to go after opportunities to bless our mate with no expectations or demands. The best time for this is found on those days when your mate is feeling bad or depressed or distracted. These are prime opportunities to deny self and lift up our mate. Overcome your disappointment with acts of love carefully chosen to give. This is how we grow in love and evict fear from our marriages! This is how God loves us!
Grow in Love and Evict Fear!
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