Chase away insecurity

 Recent articles in USA Today.com and psychcentral.com tell of a study that indicates that people who are insecure in  relationships are at an increased risk for cardiovascular disease, chronic headaches, neck and back pain, and other serious conditions. The study concedes that there are many other contributing factors and much more research needs to be done to reach conclusive results, however I think we all agree from experience that relational insecurity is a terrible state of being that creates a lot of stress and heartache. Marriage is supposed to be a cure for loneliness and insecurity, but many couples journey through difficult times that are filled with insecurity. It is important to learn to chase insecurity from your marriage.

In the Bible is a book called the Song of Songs. It is a beautiful love song between two lovers that gives us a beautiful picture of the beauty of married love. In SOS, 1:5-11, we find a great exchange between this couple that is a beautiful pattern to help us chase insecurity away. The young king, Solomon, has been out in the countryside looking over his flocks and livestock and has met a young woman whose family rents a vineyard from him. She is beautiful and he is drawn to her. They quickly fall deeply in love and he asks her to marry him. He sends her to Jerusalem, the capital city,  to the palace to prepare for the upcoming wedding(things worked very differently in that culture). Upon arrival, she sees the wealthy, pampered daughters of the Jerusalem elite who are all vieing to become the king's bride. She stands out in stark contrast. She has been forced to work in the vineyard with the men while these beauties have been shielded from the harsh sun and have pampered their skin with oils and expensive lotions. Her hands are calloused and show the wear of hard labor. She has not been trained in all the social graces of the royal court. She is truly the odd girl out and her insecurities are raging as she awaits the return of Solomon. Not only that, but it seems that her Father had died and her brothers were leading the family and had chosen to mistreat her. She was insecure because of her family background. To make matters worse, her beloved was away and her insecurities were amplified by his absence. Eventually, the insecurities overwhelm her and she goes out into the countryside to look for him to calm her heart. As she is going from shepherd camp to shepherd camp looking for him she becomes afraid that this will cause her to become associated with the women of the day who belonged to no man and went about from encampment to encampment and were considered to be prostitutes (veiled women). She was concerned about her reputation, but her desperate need for reassurance in the relationship drove her on. Eventually, she found him and he chased away her insecurities. In doing so, he creates a wonderful pattern for husbands to follow in order to chase away the insecurities of their wives:

1. He greeted her by reassuring her of her beauty. She needed to know that she was beautiful to him...even though her beauty was different from those in the city.
2. In comparing her to one of Pharoah's mares, he was saying that she was the rarest of the rare in beauty and worthiness. Pharoah's chariots were legendary in the ancient world and the stallions that pulled them were rare and exquisite. To have a mare join their ranks was so rare and magnificent that it would be legendary. He reassured her of her worthiness to be the queen.
3. He adorned her face and neck with beautiful, expensive jewelry. Jewelry draws the eye of the beholder. He was drawing attention to these features that she was insecure about and declaring them to be especially beautiful to him.
4. Jewelry also indicates sacrificial love and devotion and ownership or belonging to someone(like a wedding ring). He adorned her with expensive symbols of his love and devotion to her and sent her back to Jerusalem with tangible, obvious symbols of his love and affection for her. She belonged to him and he belonged to her.  
5. As husbands, we can chase away our wives' insecurities by reassuring her of her beauty to us (never compare her with others), reassuring her of our appreciation of her strengths, ideas, gifts, and talents, and by being very open and demonstrative about our love for her in front of others.

Ladies, you can chase away your husband's insecurities by simply letting him know that you appreciate him, letting him know what you admire about him, by showing him affection, and by doing things with him.

Chase Insecurities away! 

 

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