The problem with getting what you want is...

The problem with getting what you want is that it can send a very bad message to your mate. Before I lose you, let me clarify. In our culture, self promotion, self rights, and self serving are glorified and held up as the greatest pursuit in life. However, these pursuits are harmful and destructive to a marriage. Every time we push and shove and fight to get our way at the expense of our mate, it sends our mate a message of rejection.
In Philippians 2:3&4, we are told to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vanity and pride, but rather we are commanded to pursue humility as we choose to place the interests of others above the pursuit of our own interests. If this is true as an attitude of Christian life in general, then how much more in the context of marriage and parenting.
Popular television shows preach the gospel of self serving, but the end result of that philosophy is pain and misery.
When we are fighting to get our way, we often fail to realize that if we win, our mate will feel the sting of rejection and question our love for him/her. Real love is thrilled to lift up the one we love. Self love is thrilled to lift up self regardless of how it affects those we love.
Experts say that rejection is the deepest wound that we can experience. Most of us spend big parts of our lives trying to overcome the rejection we have experienced and trying to avoid more. We all believe that marriage will bring us into a safe relationship where we will always feel loved, accepted, and never feel rejected. However, too many couples allow their marriage to become filled with conflict as they fight to get their way day after day. Too often, these seemingly harmless events chip away at the security in the marriage as each loss is viewed as a rejection. Soon the flame of love has turned to a glowing ember...or less.
The answer is to think about what would please your mate and do it...regularly as an act of love, appreciation, and acceptance. We need to spend less time thinking about the "only if's" that we think would make us happy and start thinking about what we can do to make our mate happy...and start doing it.
Yes, we won't feel like it. We will be too tired. It will be inconvenient. It will require some effort, but what could be better than making sure your husband/wife really knows that you love them and are thrilled to do something for them...more than getting something you want?!
It's time to remove the sting of rejection from your marriage!
Can you think of an area where you may have made your mate feel unloved and rejected? What can you do to bring healing and reassurance to him/her?
Will you do it?  When?

By the way, I am teaching our marriage class at Faith Assembly in Summerville for the next 7 weeks on Sunday evenings 6-7:30PM. I hope you can join us! 

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