Pursuing Happiness

Happiness is a mysterious thing. I have met people in third world countries who had no idea where their next meal was coming from who were bubbling over with joy and thanksgiving. On the other hand, we have all read the reports of the Hollywood crowd who seem to have all the money, privilege, opportunity, and beauty in the world, yet are so miserable that their lives are filled with  substance abuse, infidelity, and self destructive behaviors. This is indeed a mystery because we tend to think that happiness is the guaranteed end result of success and prosperity.
One of the leading causes of marital breakdown is the belief that one's mate is no longer making them happy. Too often, people buy in to the idea that if you are not happy, then the best solution is to dissolve the marriage and go out looking for that someone who can create happiness. Can someone really create long term happiness for another person or are we responsible for our own happiness? It is certain that people and things can spur short term bursts of happiness, but real long term happiness is something that must come from within. Too many spouses live under the pressure of having to be a fountain of happiness for their mate or risk having their mate leave them. This is an unfair requirement and no one likes living under this kind of pressure.
So, the question is, what can we do to foster happiness within our own hearts?  In Ecclesiastes 3:1-13, we find some helpful hints:

• Realize that the season you are now in will pass. Don't give up hope for better circumstances in the future. Life is a progression and your circumstances will change...work to make sure the change is positive.
• Find the beauty and wonder in life and creation as you enjoy or endure your current circumstances. Make sure to appreciate the good qualities and gifts that your mate possesses...complaining is easy. Where's the virtue in that?
• Remember that God has made us for eternity. Make it a point to grow in your relationship with God during all seasons. In unhappy seasons, remind yourself that God loves you and has a plan to work all this for your good. Choose to be thankful that Heaven is your home if you know Christ and begin to look forward to it.
• Be happy. That's right, choose to find some way to bring a lift to those around you. Learn to be silly or funny. Make your mate smile. Loosen up and stop taking yourself so seriously.
• Do good. Choose to stop focusing on how unhappy you are and start choosing to do something good for others...especially your mate.
• Find the joy in work. God gave us the ability to take pride in and find satisfaction in the expression of our talents, abilities, and labor. Enjoy accomplishment.
• Appreciate the simple things. There is great pleasure available in the simplest of things, like a meal. When was the last time you really appreciated the ability to taste and savor food? Many of us get in the habit of multi-tasking while we wolf down a meal without even noticing how wonderful it is to be able to taste and enjoy. Enjoy this God given pleasure...it will bring a smile.

If you feel unhappy, the answer is not in demanding that your mate be a better "happy machine". Obviously, you and your mate should discuss things you can do to make each other happier and more fulfilled, but the real source of happiness has to come from our relationship with God and flow out through us to help others, especially our mate. All of this searching for happiness in all of the wrong places is creating deep pain throughout our culture.

By the way, I am teaching our marriage class at Faith Assembly in Summerville for the next 7 weeks on Sunday evenings 6-7:30PM. I hope you can join us! 

For more ideas to help boost your marriage, order our book, I Still Do, A guide for the marriage journey.

  

Also, "Like" us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/I Still Do. 

Tell a friend about the Marriage Coach!