Realities of Divorce

In this day and age of celebrity fixation, divorce has been glamorized and mistakenly presented as an inevitable part of life as one seeks happiness and fulfillment. In the Bible, God makes it clear that "I hate divorce," says the Lord Almighty. Many believe that this is evidence that God is a cold hearted Father who is more interested in His rules than in the well being of His children. This incorrect opinion has led many to cast off any interest in Him and His ways in order to seek happiness any way they can think of. The truth is that, as the creator of humans, marriage, and family, God hates divorce because of its devastating effects on individuals, children, and society as a whole. Before we go any further, let me say that God is not angry at anyone who has been divorced in the past. His desire toward those who have experienced divorce is to bring forgiveness, healing, and restoration for the future. My purpose for this article is not to heap condemnation of those who have been divorced, but rather to help encourage those who are entertaining the idea to think again and work at all costs to repair their current marriage rather than divorce. Now, I realize that in some instances divorce is the only option due to the unwillingness of their partner to make changes. The Bible makes it plain that in the case of adultery, physical abuse, and abandonment divorce is appropriate if the offending spouse refuses to repent and make real changes.
So, what are the realities of divorce? Studies show that divorce carries terrible consequences including psychological pain that is more intense than that caused by the death of a spouse, increased risk of bankruptcy, increased vulnerability to poverty and homelessness, pain in children that leads to increased risk of juvenile crime and teen pregnancy. Divorce is not something to be taken lightly as our celebrity icons want us to think.
Here are some questions to ponder before choosing to move forward with a divorce:

• Am I willing to return to the loneliness of the single life? Do you remember how lonely you were?
• Will I re-marry?
• How do I know I will find someone better?
• How much of the breakdown of this relationship is my fault?
• Will my friends choose to remain in relationship with me or my spouse?
• Am I willing to own that and make changes to prevent hurting future relationships?
• If there are children involved, who will get custody?
• How ugly will this get?
• How will that effect the children?
• Will I maintain relationships with my in laws...the children's grandparents, aunts,and uncles?
• How will that work?
• Which one of you will choose a new church? How will you decide?
• Which church will you choose?
• Who is going to move to a new home? Where? Will your current home be lost in the settlement or simply due to a lack of ability to pay for it?
• Will the children have to change schools?
• How will that effect them?
• How will all of this effect your relationship with your children?
• Will you lose your job? Many times the extreme stresses of this whole process effect job performance and attendance.
• Most people can't live on the income of divorce settlements, if they are paid, will you have to find extra income? How will that effect your life and family?
• Many people medicate this pain with alcohol, drugs, or harmful relationships. Will you? How do you know? What will keep you from becoming like the majority of people who face divorce?
• Do you have a relationship with God? How will this choice effect that?
• How will all of this upheaval lead to happiness?
• Wouldn't it be easier to work on your current relationship to make it better?
• These are just some of the life changing questions that should be considered before seeking divorce!

The truth is that divorce leads to the downfall of society as masses of people are devastated by the breakup of their marriages and family. The ripple effects of hurting adults trying to survive the pain with alcohol, drugs, and a series of damaging short term relationships and hurting, confused children acting out their anger and insecurities creates a huge burden on the welfare, medicaid, and law enforcement and prison systems in our nation.It is no wonder God hates divorce because of its devastating effects on the people He loves so much!
Please consider getting a copy of IStill Do, A Guide for the Marriage Journey to help you as you look for ways to strengthen your marriage.(ISBN9781609571566)