Sometimes in marriage, one partner will develop a habit of being chronically critical and highly perfectionistic toward their mate. We have seen this take on many forms. Once we knew a husband who had strict rules for how the clothes should be folded and would re-fold the clothes if the wife had gotten it wrong...with a lot of negative words and attitude thrown in. We knew a husband who inspected the cleanliness of the house every day when he got home from work and nearly always scolded his wife as he "fixed the spots she missed." We have known wives who had constant complaints about the way their husbands dressed, talked, drove the car, parented the children, earned a paycheck, entered the house, and anything else imaginable. This is a habit that is very destructive to a marriage.
At the root of this behavior is a desire to control the marriage partner for power in the relationship. These people often say that they can't help it, but it is noteworthy that most of them are able to function around others without imposing all these rules. It is nearly always a ploy to keep their marriage partner working for approval and working to keep from rocking the boat. Another way of saying it is that these people can control the relationship by keeping their mate "walking on eggshells" around them.
Is your mate always stressed out about "setting you off"? If you are this kind of person, realize that you are operating out of fear and selfishness rather than love. Love is a servant not a master. Love is giving not demanding. Love encourages. Love attracts. Chronic criticizing repels.This becomes a habit, so it will be difficult to break, but with prayer and a solid decision to do so it can be done. Start by asking for God's forgiveness and help in changing. Then, ask for your mate's forgiveness and tell your mate of your intention to change.
If you are married to this kind of person, ask God to give you wisdom, then begin a discussion about this. Let your mate know that you love him/her and want to make them happy without being manipulated into it. Explain how difficult it is to "walk on eggshells" and ask your mate to relate to you in love. Your mate will have to know that this behavior is no longer acceptable.
Many couples eventually divorce because of this type of interaction. Others may choose not to divorce, but will learn to live very separate lives with as little interaction as possible. This is very much like a divorce.
This pattern of living always affects the children and extended family. The one who usually loses the most is the one who is demanding and difficult in their desperate attempts to control the marriage.
Today is a great day to begin the process of change!
Real Love is easy to be around!
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